英语短文笑话故事
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英语笑话：有你和我是候选人【1】
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.
So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation.
"All who want to go to heaven, please rise."
Everyone got up except the snorer.
After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced,
"All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start ， the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpi——
"Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on,
but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。
一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，
让他不要再在布道时睡觉。
于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”
所有的人都站了起来——
当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。
在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”
打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。
看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。
这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，
但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”
英语笑话：我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的【2】
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，
he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
他叫我让座给一位女士。”
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
英语笑话：没把头发全剪掉啊【3】
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut.
麦尔斯有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，
But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time.
但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。
While Miles was at the barber's one day,
一天，正当麦尔斯理发时，
the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。
"Hello, Miles," the manager said.
“你好，麦尔斯，”经理说。"
I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
“我看到你在上班时间理发了。”
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly.
“是的，先生。正是这样。”麦尔斯平静地承认了。
"You see, sir, it grows in office time."
可先生，你看，头发是在上班时间长的。“
"Not all of it," said the manager at once.
“不全都是吧，”经理立刻说，"
Some of it grows in your own time."
“有一些是在你自己的时间里长的。”
"Yes, sir, that's quite true."
“对呀，先生，你说得很对。”
Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
麦尔斯礼貌地回答说，“但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。”
英语笑话：为什么不拿回来【4】
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter,
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,
the son took the letter ,
儿子已经拿着信跑了
the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?”
"Certainly"“当然”
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee,“
我还以为你不写地址和收信人,
is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
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